Here’s a charge to all of us contending for the purity demanded in 1 John 3:3.
*Encouraging Sexual Abstinence by Josh McDowell
Job said, “I made a covenant with my eyes not to look with lust upon a girl” (Job 31:1).
Because Job had made a covenant with the Lord, the values and convictions he upheld went deeper than the pressures of the moment.
Making and keeping a covenant to remain sexually pure is rare. But isn’t that what you, as a parent, want for your teenager?
Your sense that it’s an uphill battle is well founded. The American Academy of Pediatrics has urged parents to stop their children from watching MTV because of its preoccupation with sex and violence. According to the Barna Research Group and Fortune magazine, in the next twenty-four hours 2,750 children will see their parents divorce or separate and 925 unmarried teenage girls will become pregnant.
Most teens are living in a moral vacuum, with no absolutes and no biblical worldview.
How can you encourage sexual abstinence? You begin by becoming a hero to your children. The more you become a hero to your kids, the more they will listen to you and live by your values.
Parents who want to be heroes to their kids must realize that rules without relationships lead to rebellion. Knowing the odds against your teenager staying sexually pure, it would be easy to clamp down with a list of rules. But rules alone won’t work. When you are close to them, it is easier for them to internalize a Christian perspective instead of accepting the world’s presuppositions.
Research shows that adolescents want their parents to talk to them about sex and be their primary information source. One seventeen-year-old boy wrote: “Mom and Dad… it was your responsibility to tell me about sex before I discovered it the wrong way. You may not know it, but I learned sex from the street. Believe me, that is not a very good place to learn it.” A survey of fourteen hundred parents found that less than 15 percent of mothers and 8 percent of fathers had ever talked to their children about premarital sex or sexual intercourse. Our kids need us to teach them about their sexual development.
Here are several biblical convictions you can help your teenager develop in the sexual area.
Each person is special and of great worth because each is made in the image of God. This means every individual deserves dignity, respect, and consideration. In practical terms, a boy who sees his mom and dad treating each other as persons of great worth will, in turn, offer respect and consideration to his girlfriend.
No one should use another in order to meet his or her own needs. To use people cheapens them. Teaching your kids how valuable individuals are can have a lasting effect. If, for example, your daughter ever heard her boyfriend say, “If you really loved me, you would have sex with me,” she would recognize that not only does he not love her of but he doesn’t think much of her, either.
We should treat others with the same love and respect God shows to us. First Corinthians 13:4-8 explains what true love is. Among the most important parts for today’s teens is, “Love is very patient” (13:4). In God’s plan, there is a proper time and place for everything, including, as Ecclesiastes 3:5 says, “a time to hug; a time not to hug.” Our world says, “Are you lonely? Do you feel a need for intimacy? Go for it there is no need to wait until marriage.” Our kids need to see us model patience and learn the value of waiting.
Your role as a Christian parent is vital. Your actions, attitudes, and speech have a tremendous impact on your children. Ask yourself: Am I really living out the values I hope to see in my children? Am I deliberately teaching them the Christian values of sexual purity, or am I leaving it up to others? Start when your children are young (or start now, no matter what their age).
Job stood firm in the face of his day’s pressures. So can your teenagers. Taking time to explain and model the Christian values by which you live is what will enable them to do it.
DIGGING DEEPER
1. How can you become a more relational parent? See Ephesians 6:4
2. How, as a parent, can you help build your child’s self-esteem and instill the belief that individuals are important? See Genesis 1:26-27; Psalm 8:5; John 1:12-13; 1 Corinthians 6:20 and 1 Peter 1:18-19
3. What are your own convictions about sexual purity, and how can you communicate those biblical standards to your children? See Romans 12:1-2 and 1 Corinthians 6:12-20
Selah
Pastor Afolabi Oladele
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