The church must be a more accessible and welcoming space for people who are single; encouraging individual single people in their walk with Jesus. For the woman in particular when asked, what do you want?  The answer is natural neither is it wrong nor sinful to want to get married and hope it would happen. Yes, for a woman to get married and have children is the default position, at least in our own society.  But what if God was telling you, you’ll never get married. What does that mean? Is it just a “by the way feeling”, or could it be a calling? What does one make of Matthew 19:1-12 where Jesus taught on marriage? The Lord spoke of eunuchs living lives of singleness in verse 12, “For there are eunuchs who were born that way, and there are eunuchs who have been made eunuchs by others—and there are those who choose to live like eunuchs for the sake of the kingdom of heaven. The one who can accept this should accept it.”

John Gill’s commentary provides a thorough explanation of the three kinds of eunuchs in this verse, defining them as either:

1. impotent from birth,
2. castrated by men, or 
3. one who voluntarily chose a life of celibacy in order to be freer to serve God’s kingdom.

In her testimony, Kate Wharton wrote,

“In His grace and kindness, God unfolded the steps a little at a time, so it grew from that sense of “maybe I’m not going to get married”, into what I describe as a calling and a choice.  Being single was a calling for me, but l also made the choice to say yes and embrace it. For many people, singleness is something they live with. It wouldn’t have been their choice and they aren’t aware of it being their calling but it is their lived experience. I hope to support single people who might say:

1. “this feels right in the moment, but I hope it’s not the rest of my life”, or
2. “This is incredibly tough and I wish things were different” or
3. “Actually, I live it and I love the freedom”.

I want to encourage and equip single people to live that life by asking, what does that look like day by day? How do we do that? What do we need in terms of encouragement, fellowship and support from the church? I want that conversation to happen more widely.” (*Culled from Katewharton.blogspot.com)

Her testimony was so compelling that I felt led to share it but was full of fear that it would be misunderstood, until I was confronted with an unmistakable event. Returning from a ministration up north I wanted to catch up with missed calls. Repeatedly ‘T’ had called and I returned the call. She was visiting Abuja on a church program from the US and wanted me to attend a family reunion in February 2024. We were best of friends in the University, no one believed we were not going to be a couple! Her younger brother was my junior in high school and a solid believer that we shared close fellowship in the Campus Christian Union. It was not to be. Why was this encounter significant? She had remained unmarried since we left college and at 70, her faith and joy were palpable.

I instantly knew that not to share this piece would be disobedience to the One who called me! Even as I share this, it is with tremulation at the possible backlash from my numerous single and seemingly long-waiting daughters, for whom prayers are being made incessantly that God will bring them life partners! The message for them in this piece is in their not occupying for the Lord hindered by what they are waiting for! Apostle Paul wrote in his extensive discourse on marriage to the Corinthians counselled in 1 Corinthians 7:25-38, it’s all tied to grace to be focused on the things of the Lord, to be holy both in body and spirit, serving the Lord with an undivided heart. Think on these beloved singles. Shalom.

Pastor Afolabi Oladele