Today I speak about one of the things that distorted upbringing, not evil, rather a different generational understanding ingrained in me. It’s embarrassingly silly, but I still struggle with it. Now you can crucify me! It was a pastor, not of my generation that counselled the couple at a wedding on the three phrases that every married couple should say daily! My struggle was with the first, but today I encourage each married couple to practice the three. Michelle Reyes summarised them below:
- “I Love You”— [I was convinced that my actions should say this to my wife but alas it was not enough; and she literally wore me out until I yielded. *my take]. “We cannot say this phrase enough. The need for a husband and wife to reaffirm their love daily is crucial to a joy-filled, God-honoring marriage. There is something so powerful for a person to show love and verbalise it to each other, to know that he or she is loved in return. It gives confidence and security and allows us to overcome past rejections and pains. Most importantly, love allows us to reflect Christ more in our marriage. In Ephesians 5:22-33, love is the non-negotiable element in the relationship between Christ and the church. The word “love” is used four times in this passage, and it is emphasized because Christ’s death on the cross, His ultimate sacrifice for the church, is nothing but loving.
- “I’m Sorry”—Forgiveness is a two-way street. It’s important that we both confess our own sins as well as forgive the sins of our spouse. It is grace that Christ shows us in Ephesians 5:25 when he “gave himself up” for us, and it is this grace that we should show to each other. For forgiveness plays a vital role in empowering a husband and wife to keep their covenant to one another. It creates a hedge of protection from long-lasting bitterness, resentment and hate. This is especially important in the middle of a heated argument. Reminding ourselves that we truly love each other does wonders for stopping a fight, seeking out grace, and working toward restoration.
- “How Can I Help?”—This phrase is almost self-explanatory. If we are to “nourish and cherish” each other like Christ does for us in Ephesians 5:29, we must seek out the other’s good by extending help as needed. We should not just assume or guess what our spouse needs (though anticipating a need is very different). Rather, part of our daily and sacrificial care for each other should include asking, “How can I help you?” This question, of course, requires a follow-up: we must hear the needs of our spouse and then seek to respond to that need in a time-sensitive fashion. At the heart of this question, really, is open lines of communication. I know it’s hard at times to express our needs to our spouse, but this is something we should all seek to be better at. For the sake of our marriage, we must be willing to be vulnerable, to expose our heart, to share our weaknesses, and – if love and grace are also being developed – we can be confident that this vulnerability will be met, heard and cared for.” **Taken from DaySpring
I would add a fourth, “Thank you.” A word of appreciation goes a long way. The magic of knowing you appreciate each other even for the smallest of things done for each other is amazing. Nothing binds better than the knowledge that you appreciate each other’s efforts. Similarly, a word of encouragement when expectations are not met lifts the spirit and the desire to do better. Perfectionist spousal relationship is contrary to unconditional love. Avoid it.
My hope and prayer is that these phrases encourage you in the Lord. May you feel empowered to speak new words of love, humility and care to your spouse with the knowledge that Christ first showed this same love, grace and care for us. Shalom.
Pastor Afolabi Oladele
Dingwo Christie
Wow! Thanks Daddy Afolabi, for this timely message to couples especially at this time that Satan is bent on destroy Christian homes.
More grace, more strength and greater heights in Him.