Continuing with our subject, Fundamentals of Parenting: Discipline, perhaps you know a couple like Dave and Katie McNeely in the story below.

About four years ago, when Katie learned she was pregnant, the McNeelys’ determined to become experts about child rearing. Talking and reading late into the nights, the excited, soon-to-be parents pledged not to make the same mistakes their own parents made. They vowed to do everything in their power to give their baby a wonderful home and a happy childhood.

How have they fared so far? 

Well…

Courtney, their daughter is healthy. Her mom won’t let her come near fast food or junk food—only natural foods and juices.

Courtney is bright. Only three, she has been potty-trained for about a year. Plus, she is already mastering a “learn-to-read” program and is learning to add!

But the most common comment about Courtney, the word among baby-sitters and neighbors and nursery workers at church, is this:

Courtney is a brat!  And it’s true. The McNeelys don’t discipline their daughter at all. They admonish her to be sweet. They attempt to reason with her. They sometimes resort to manipulation. But they do not correct her disobedient behavior.

Last week in the three-and-four-year-old class at church, a college girl scolded Courtney for throwing a toy at another child. Bad move! The McNeely child pitched a major-league fit that lasted for more than twenty minutes. When Katie arrived to get her child and learned what had transpired, she created an even more embarrassing scene!

The McNeelys drove home muttering about how “those church people are messing up our child!” 

Everyone who had a child in the church nursery drove home talking about how “those McNeelys are messing up their child!”

Who’s right?

According to Proverbs 13:24, it is an act of love for parents to discipline their children. On the other hand, to allow disobedience and rebellion to go unpunished is to consign your children to a life of misery (see Prov. 23:13-14) — Excerpt from The Strong-Willed Child by James Dobson

Listen, My Son! Proverbs strongly cautions young men regarding the lure of seductive women, warning about snares, and giving advice on how to avoid snares and their consquences (see the image below)

Steve Arteburn’s piece on Children and Alcohol is good counsel for so-called fun-loving parents.

“Bloodshot eyes and many wounds, saying foolish, silly things that would embarrass you no end when sober—these phrases from Proverbs 23:29 and 23:33 accurately describe a life given to wine and alcohol. Those who drink vast quantities of alcohol try to convince themselves that they are different, that they will escape the grips of addiction. But they never do. Instead, relationships with God, family, friends, and fellow workers are destroyed, along with life’s meaning and purpose.

Most of us agree that we need to teach children about the many dangers of alcohol. But often we don’t go any farther than saying, “Don’t do it.” We need to go deeper than that because we can be assured that in almost every school in every city, our children are tempted to taste alcohol for the first time—and abuse it for a lifetime. By the age of ten, most children are making the decision whether to drink. The peer pressure to drink is so strong that most of them will succumb unless they obtain solid instruction from their parents.

When you ask kids why they drink, most will tell you (if they are honest) that they do it to be part of the group, to feel accepted. Kids need to see that they do not need to do all the things of the world to gain acceptance—that there are other things they can do to feel accepted. We need to help them pick the right group of friends, one that is healthy and allows them to be their best rather than their worst. As part of a positive group of peers, they can develop a reputation as caring and fun people, challenging others to be different—to stand out in the crowd rather than be brought down by it. And we must not rely on someone else, such as school officials, to teach these valuable principles.

If we make an effort, we can teach our children in a way that will make a difference. To begin with, we must examine the example we’re setting for them. If we reach for a drink to medicate our wounds, we can be sure our children will learn our method of coping and repeat it as they encounter problems. Incidentally, this principle doesn’t only apply to drinking. Some who do not drink might pride themselves on their example, but they need to look at other areas that can be just as harmful. For instance, some parents are overweight because they use food as a drug. Others spend long hours at work or in ministry to feel good about themselves.

Our children need us to teach them how to cope and how to solve problems without resorting to drinking, drugs, overeating, or any other destructive habit. If they see our stresses managed through prayer, Bible study, open discussion with our spouse or a trusted Christian friend, exercise, and other forms of relaxation, then they’ll be more likely to resolve their problems in healthy ways. By teaching children these life skills through example, we instill in them a sense of adequacy that will enable them to deflect the pressures.

It is too late to keep some children from harm. They are already involved in alcohol abuse and alcoholism. Grades have dropped, attitude has plummeted, and signs of rebellion saturate the child’s life. Even though the child is young, the parent is witnessing the consequences of addiction.

If that is your child’s situation, do not try to convince yourself that it is just a phase or a stage that will soon pass. Your child needs you to act, to stop him or her from continuing toward self-destruction. Although it may be difficult, reach out to someone who can help you help your child. In those hard situations, our children need us to act on their behalf more than they need our words. The sooner we take action; the less time the addiction has to completely dominate a life and destroy it.

Whatever our children’s relationship with alcohol, whether they have been drinking for years or have been able to say no until now, they need us to lead them and teach them, so they might be able to avoid the sting of a “poisonous serpent” (Prov. 23:32). It is never too early to start; it is never too late to intervene”.

Please give further thoughts to the following:

1. Kids try to medicate their wounds in many ways. Look at Jeremiah 6:14, then list three ways you could help your children face the truth about themselves.
2. In James 5:16 we are told to share our faults with each other. How can confessing your faults help motivate your children to open up about themselves?
3. Exodus 20:5 tells about children who inherit a destructive spiritual course from their parents. What is one bad habit you should give up in order to help your children? Make a list of such behaviors and commit them to the Lord. Then make a commitment to your children to continue growing spiritually.

Shalom



Pastor Afolabi Oladele