Parents are the first role models a child sees. The Lord Jesus spoke to this enough (John 5:19-20; 10:27) and Paul picked up the refrain in speaking to his children in the faith (Ephesians 5:1; 1 Corinthians 4:16;11:1; 2 Corinthians 5:12; 2 Timothy 2:2).

Our text in Proverbs 23:1-7 is explicit about the impact of what our children see on their lives. What they see forms their character. Exodus 20:5 talks about children who inherit a destructive spiritual course from their parents. Please see this piece written by Nadine N Brown based on Proverbs 20:11.

Building Character In Your Children by Nadine M. Brown

“The character of even a child can be known by the way he acts—whether what he does is pure and right” (Prov. 20:11). This important truth lets us know that the task of character building must begin in childhood—a time when it would be easy to excuse our children’s faults and weaknesses.

In Deuteronomy 6:6-7 God tells us his two-step plan for character building. It begins with you as a parent.

First, think constantly on God’s Word and guide your life by it. If you are convinced that God wants only the very best for your life, this won’t be hard to do.

Second, talk about it. Godliness requires an explanation; otherwise, kids don’t get it. As parents we can talk to our children about God when we get them out of bed in the morning (perhaps with hymns playing on the tape player); while they are eating breakfast (sharing a verse of Scripture); while we drive them to school (quiet the car with prayer for God’s protection); when we sit down to supper at night (by each sharing prayers God answered that day); and when we put them to bed (with a Bible story).

Building character, like any construction project, needs a blueprint. Sit down soon with your spouse, or a godly family member or friend, and write out a list of character qualities you want to instill in your children. Then plan to work on just one character quality at a time, perhaps a different one each month. Help your children learn appropriate Scripture verses to reinforce the character quality. And they can be involved in the project by writing a short definition of the quality along with slogans to put on the family bulletin board.

For example, say you wanted to help your children develop the quality of obedience to parents. Your kids might define it as “doing what I should, when I should, with the right attitude.” Memory verses could include Ephesians 6:1 and 1 Samuel 15:22-23. Simple slogans that would go with this character quality are “Obedience brings happiness” and “Obedience is better than presents.”

Scripture can also be a valuable help to you by giving examples of parents who succeeded or failed in teaching children to obey. Eli is probably one of the saddest examples in Scripture of a parent who failed in this respect. He talked to his ungodly sons and scolded them for their immoral behaviour, but through the years he had failed to put enough force behind his words (1 Sam. 2:12-36). He is a warning to all parents that talking is the beginning of training, but we dare not forget that “punishment that hurts chases evil from the heart” (Prov. 20:30).

Another example of a character quality you might work on is discernment. You might define it as “knowing how to recognize and choose the best.” A good memory verse would be Psalm 119:105, and a good biblical person to study would be Samson (Judg. 13-16). His lack of discernment in choosing friends, especially girlfriends, was fatal! Your children can learn from this that as they work on developing character qualities, they should be looking for these same qualities in their friends, like the little six-year-old who confided, “Mommy, I like Janie, but I’m watching her character!”

Topics for instruction in discernment should include choices in room decorations (art), music, literature, clothing, and even things they purchase. This character quality is taught by repeated contrast of what is pure and good with what is ugly and destructive. Start as early as possible to point out how God has put order and design into his creation and help your children recognize these qualities. A corner in their room for “A Thing of Beauty” will give them practical experience in this area of discernment. A walk down the aisle of any toy store will provide negative examples, because many grotesque, cruel-looking creatures are being sold as playthings.

Building character in children is a big task. But with a specific plan, daily prayer for God’s help, and diligent focus on character building, incorporating biblical principles can become a habit. The benefits are well worth the effort, since even a child is “known by the way he acts,” and the character traits your children develop now will help determine the kind of adult they’ll become. 

Will you think about this please? Selah



Pastor Afolabi Oladele